Response from Gretchen Humphries
"First, think about resources. Or maybe
better, don't think about them. Imagine that you
have all the money you could need, complete and
unconditional support from every person you know
and access to the caregiver of your first choice.
In other words, you have no constraints on your
physical or emotional resources as you plan your
VBAC.
If all of this were true, what birth would you
plan? You don't have to worry about cost - so
where would you birth? At home? At a birth center?
At hospital? In the warm tropical waters off of
some deserted island, with dolphins? Seriously,
where would be the perfect place for you to birth?
You don't have to worry about what anyone thinks
- everyone is completely supportive of whatever
you want. Your parents, your in-laws, your partner,
your friends, the neighbor down the road; everyone
is completely thrilled about your plans. What
would your birth look like? Who would be there?
A supportive OB? A wonderful midwife? Just your
partner? Family and friends? No one but you? Who
would be there and what would they be doing?
Write it down. Maybe as a narrative, if that's
comfortable for you. Maybe as just a list of things
you will have. But write it down, the perfect
dream birth, exactly as you would have it happen
if you could have everything just the way you've
always wanted. Even if you know some parts of
it are impossible, write the whole thing down.
Realize that you didn't just make this dream
birth up. All you did was access the dream that
was already living within you. Face the fact that
in spite of what we "know" is possible
or not, part of us dreams for things we might
not even realize we want, things that we might
not realize we missed until it's too late. What
is the real cost of not dreaming, of not trying
to meet our dreams when we are given the opportunity?
Work backward from your dream birth. Sure, birthing
in warm tropical waters with dolphins might not
be realistic. But a tub of warm water in your
living room is [read VBAC home waterbirth
stories here].
Don't try to adapt what's culturally acceptable
into something you can settle for (you may well
end up settling for another cesarean that way).
Which is more culturally acceptable, dolphins
or elective repeat cesarean? Which one leads more
easily to that birthing tub full of warm water?
Measure the cost of settling versus the cost
of pursuing a dream against a lifetime of memories
(or regrets), rather than against your credit
card balance or what your mother-in-law thinks.
If you "had to", if it was "life
and death", if somehow it was required that
you make as much of your dream birth a reality,
what could you do? More than you think, I'll bet.
Maybe you do have to, maybe it really is that
important. Maybe it is only money. Maybe it really
doesn't matter that much what other people think.
Maybe it really is life and death.
You have that dream living within you for a reason.
Find the reason and follow it. You'll never regret
it."
-Gretchen Humphries. For much more by Gretchen,
go here.
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