Vicki's Birth Story, and Healing Through Artwork
Vicki's Birth Story
April 2000
"I woke up in labor at 8 a.m. I labored
at home all morning. I wasn't really hungry and
water didn't even taste good so all I had was
a little apple juice. We got ready to leave for
the hospital at 2 p.m. I was admitted at 4 p.m.
I was 4 cm dilated and very effaced according
to my CNM. She was sure I was going to have my
baby really quickly. I labored in a jetted tub,
in various positions, on a birth ball, for many
hours. CNM thought AROM (artificial rupture of
membranes) would speed up my labor and I consented
to it at 10 p.m. (6 cm at this point). AROM didn't
help, made things worse as I'm sure many women
know. I labored in the tub some more. I had hard
transition-like labor for hours. The CNM tried
to push on my cervix, while having me bear down,
to help me complete dilating. This was very painful.
She did this 3 times. Each time she said I was
complete, then checked me again and said I wasn't
complete.
After all of this messing around with my cervix
I developed a premature urge to push. She let
me push some then after a while told me not to.
At 1:30 a.m. she told me I really ought to consider
an epidural to take away the pushing urge. Finally
I consented to the epidural. The anesthesiologist
had just gone home; they had to call him to come
back. At 2:30 a.m. the epidural was in place.
We heard the baby's heartrate go down right as
the epidural was started.
They gave me pitocin in my IV (I had a heplock
for GBS antibiotics). I was hooked up to so many
tubes and wires: internal baby monitor, IUPC,
intermittent blood pressure cuff, epidural, IV
(with both antibiotics and pitocin), oxygen, and
ID bracelets. It sucked. At 3:30 am the CNM and
nurse left the room so my husband and I could
rest. It wasn't until this point that I started
to worry. All through labor I had a really great
attitude and coped very well; this was (and is)
something I was initially really proud of myself
for, before I realized how upset I was about my
cesarean. My husband had been worrying for much
longer though.
The CNM had been advising the backup OB of my
situation. At 5:20 a.m. I called my parents. Soon
after that nurse and CNM came in and saw thick
meconium. We waited for backup OB to finish delivering
another baby. At this point I thought I might
need a cesarean. I had been praying and said in
my prayers that I would do anything including
having a cesarean if everything would be ok with
the baby. The CNM said the OB might be able to
turn the baby's head, but a section might be necessary.
The ob came in at 6:30 a.m. and checked me and
said "we're taking this baby cesarean."
Then everything went into motion just like on
TV. My whole bed was wheeled into the OR. The
baby was born at 7:10 a.m. His apgars were 3 and
5. My entire labor was 23 hours. The baby was
suctioned after birth and my husband went with
him to the nursery where he was under oxygen for
about 2 hours. I was stitched up and given a couple
shots of morphine. The hospital people put me
on the stretcher backwards- my feet were on the
part that lifted to elevate your head- so when
I finally was able to hold my baby I had to do
it laying flat on my back with a couple blankets
under me to slightly prop me up. I was so exhausted
and groggy from no sleep, no food, the pain, and
the medication. But at the time I was also very
proud of myself for laboring without medication
as long as I did, and having the positive attitude
I did about it. I must have been in shock and
denial about the c/section though because it took
a few days before I allowed myself to believe
that I really was upset about it.
My cesarean was necessary but very possibly due
to all the interventions starting back at AROM.
The baby was in "deep transverse arrest"
which likely would not have happened if my water
was not broken artificially.
I don't totally blame my care providers though.
I had a lot of fear of giving birth. Also I was
exhausted due to lack of sleep and lack of food
and water. I was not prohibited from eating or
drinking. I didn't even eat or drink much of anything
while I labored at home. So next time.... I will
eat and drink, I will refuse AROM and other interventions,
I may plan a homebirth (don't know for sure about
that part yet). Lots of other things I plan on
including affirmations, more education and reading,
possibly Hypnobirthing or Birthing From Within
or Birthworks classes."
Vicki's Healing Through Artwork
Written August 2001
"I just wanted to share this- it's not a
huge thing, but in a way kind of a breakthrough
for me. I had my crayons out today and finished
a poster for a church activity. My son was napping
so I decided to just color/draw whatever I wanted.
I did a picture of a red and black angry incision.
I felt a lot of power coloring fierce strokes.
I drew a little baby on it, and tears with a silver
color, and a heart. Then I decided to draw pictures
of myself. I decided to draw pictures of me actually
giving birth. Again I felt really a lot of power
while drawing pictures of myself squatting and
giving birth to a baby. Somehow the physical act
of drawing this picture helped me get rid of a
large amount of the fear I have felt pretty constantly
for the past almost 16 months! I am so excited
about this, I just wanted to share, and I hope
this could maybe help someone else."
-Vicki (much less fearful of having another
baby and sooo happy about that!!!!!!!!!) Daniel
4/00 c/s, ftp, fetal distress
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