How I Became a Midwife
-written in l997 by Gloria
Lemay
I left school at the end of Grade 11 because
I was a teen unwed mother in the days when that
was worse than death (mid l960's). I moved to
another city, had my baby and relinquished her
for adoption. My birth was without drugs because
I had read "l0 Easy Lessons for a Natural
Birth" and other Lamaze type books from the
public library AND because they didn't usually
give teenagers drugs so they would "learn
a lesson".
I had a nice woman doctor who came in with a
mask on only at the end but I can remember being
happy to see her kind eyes in the room. I had
an episiotomy that needed a lot of care in the
l0 days I spent in the hospital but I had no baby
to care for so I had plenty of time and energy
to work on healing it. At the time, it seemed
what could be expected. I was young, fit and had
eaten a good diet and gave birth pretty well to
a 9 lb baby. I know I never made any noise except
for my breathing.
As a student in high school, I would never have
chosen a career in midwifery. First of all, I
didn't know it existed. Secondly, whenever we
had to do anything like talk about the circulatory
system, dissect a cow's eye, cut up frogs, etc.
I would have to go out on the front steps of the
school and put my head between my knees I felt
so queasy.
After I had Kara, I returned to Vancouver and
took a two year course at a Business College.
I then started work in the investment business
and took the required courses to become a stock
broker. At the age of 21, I was the youngest stock
broker in Canada and one of only about 6 women
doing that work. This was the days of women burning
their bras and demanding rights--I thought there
was something wrong with them. Doors were always
swinging open for me and I thought those other
women should just stop their complaining and get
on with life like I had. I didn't realize that
the reason doors were swinging open for me was
because of their pioneering work and that I was
able to manipulate a lot of things because I had
a good education, was pretty, bright, wealthy
and healthy. I had a lot to learn.
In the early 70's, I left the sagging investment
industry and went into the "fashion"
business. I owned two successful boutiques and
sold ladies wear wholesale for a time. I met and
married a physician in l975 and in l976 I was
pregnant and looking for a good birth experience.
My husband and I were agreed that we would get
the "very best" for our darling child.
I thought I could get that easily through our
connections, my charm, my wit, my money and my
brilliance--sorry, not so! In Canada, there is
a public medicare system. Doctors do not compete
for patients and they have no end of people lined
up so they don't have to bend to meet patients
needs.
My husband and I had read Dr. Leboyer's book
"Birth without Violence" and his ideas
made so much sense. What I wanted was no episiotomy,
dim lights at the birth and 24 hr rooming in.
We went to Dr. after Dr. and none of them would
assure me of getting what I wanted. Looking back,
I am glad they were more honest in those days.
So many Drs. today promise they will meet women's
desires, only to do what they routinely do at
the time of the birth. We went for the hospital
tour and I knew deep in my heart my birth would
be horrible. They would not agree to me having
my baby after the birth (mandatory 24 hr observation
period in l976) even though my physician husband
would be there every minute!
I had read some books about homebirth and it
was sounding better and better but I didn't have
a clue where to go to arrange one. When I was
7 months pregnant, my husband called me into his
study and showed me a letter to the editor of
the newspaper. It was entitled "I Want to
Have My Baby at Home". A woman named Janice
Steinhauer was writing to say that she thought
our maternity system very backward and pointed
out that in Europe they used midwives, had homebirths,
and had better stats than N. America. I wrote
to her and told her I was in the same boat and
would like to find a midwife... if she found out
anything by having her letter in the paper would
she please call me and let me know. She phoned
a few days later. It turned out that she was not
pregnant but a nursing student studying with nurse
midwives at the University of BC and she had just
written the letter to further discusssion of the
subject. She knew where the midwife clinic was
and she plugged me in to the whole homebirth culture
that was happening in my city.
I never was a hippy but, boy, those hippies
came through for me in my hour of need. We found
a warm, wonderful midwife named Elly. She was
an R.N. and I proceeded to invite people to my
birth who had medical credentials. Although I
didn't want the hospital scene, I still viewed
birth as a medical procedure and I wanted as many
medical minds as possible at that birth. I ended
up with 2 RN's, my physician hubby, and a medical
student. My best friend was there too. She was
pregnant and, after my birth, she hired my midwife
and had a homebirth, too.
That birth was harder than I recall the first
one being. I was 26 days past dates- in those
days, not a concern. I had mild sensations all
day and then about 5 hours of contractions from
hell towards midnight. My membranes stayed intact
until pushing and the pressure was beyond belief.
Finally, I pushed my little girl out at 2 a.m.
The midwife placed her on my thigh as her cord
was short. Her tiny hand squeezed my leg as if
to say "Hi, Mom, we made it!" and that
is when I was born as a midwife. I wanted every
woman to have the chance to have a natural birth.
I saw women in a whole new light after this birth.
I began to realize how hard it is for women to
get what they want and how important a feminist
perspective is.
I began to take training and teach with a local
parent-run childbirth education group. I took
my baby down to Seattle and attended an ICEA conference.
That was the first time I heard Sister Angela
Murdagh speak and she continues to inspire me
to this day. I attended my best friend's homebirth
and then started to be asked to do hospital coaching.
Over the next four years I immersed myself in
reading, eating and breathing birth. We formed
different midwifery study groups and I also learned
a lot from the Drs and nurses in the hospital.
I learned a lot about what NOT to do at a birth,
too. Some of these births were such gruesome rapes
I shudder to think of them now. I know there are
obstetricians who hate women and are just plain
evil in their disregard.
In 1981 I had my second homebirth. By this time
I had a very different perspective on what made
a good birth. I wanted to get the least trained,
least experienced, lay midwife I could find. My
friend Jude had been studying for the same length
of time as me and she agreed to be my attendant
after some coaxing. That birth was perfect. I
had only about 5 minutes of what I would term
"pain", the rest just felt like hormones.
I caught my l0 lb baby girl myself with my 4 yr
old daughter right beside me. I never had one
BP, fetal heart check, vag exam or any interference
at all. My midwives did everything I asked and
more. I felt loved, respected and protected. That
daughter is now l7 and the most beautiful woman
(inside and out)- her birth was a completion for
me i.e. I didn't need to have any more births
to get it done right.
After 4 years and about 50 births attended in
the hospital, people started asking me to attend
their homebirths. There has always been an attitude
of scarcity amongst the midwives in Vancouver.
They see new midwives as a threat to their monopoly
of the homebirth market. I was not welcomed or
supported as a new midwife, to say the least.
I felt quite on my own until, in l983, I met a
woman named Mary Sullivan who wanted to learn
midwifery. Mary and I have been business partners
ever since and I believe that God sent her to
me as a "thank you" card for everything
good I had ever done.
Many times through the years, I have wished I
was freer to go to the States or Jamaica to do
more intensive study and perhaps get licensed.
I have been a single mom for most of my parenting
years and went through quite a few years of poverty
with my kids. I'm glad that my path has been so
"organic" at this point because I think
being educated outside an institution has left
me with my heart and instincts intact. I have
never done anything gross to another human being
just to show a teacher my skills and that is a
good feeling in my soul.
I love being a midwife. I want my gravestone
to read "Gloria Lemay MIDWIFE & MOTHER
She spoke up for babies".
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