Fathers' Stories
Compiled by LLM
Photos supplied by Patti
Ramos Photography. All rights reserved.
Fathers give birth too. Following are dads' birth
stories and wisdom, and articles about fathers'
roles in the birth experience. Click to go to
the desired section of the page. Also note that
fathers (and grandfathers) speak of their deep
pain on the Loss
page.
Daddy of the Decade
The "Daddy of the Decade" award
goes to Jan Nouwen, pictured above with his
baby Tygo Ezechiël. Jan proved to be
the most powerful, intuitive, encouraging,
brave, ideal, inherently wise and beautiful
birth partner imaginable. He kept his partner
Eugenie safe at home, far away from fearful
strangers and their drugs and knives, during
their long and intense birth journey. Read
Eugenie's account of their unassisted homebirth
after cesarean birth (UBAC) here.
from Zella's
Birth Story
Birth Stories Written both
by the Mother and Father
AJ's Birth
Story, As told by his Dad and Mom Shannon
is a doula and childbirth educator, and decided
that a planned homebirth with a midwife and doulas
was the best way to have her second baby. She
however went on to have an unplanned- but very
welcome- unassisted homebirths Says Jim about
seeing his baby being born- "Tears, both
of fear and joy, were streaming down my cheeks.
My mouth and throat were so dry I spoke in squeaks.
I had so much energy flowing through me I thought
my chest was going to burst." Jim caught
his baby in his bathtub.
Josiah's
Birth Story Emily had a home VBAC; this page
includes the birth story, and William's comments
about the birth- how powerful his wife is, and
a note to homebirth reuctant dads.)
The
Birth of Sasha Elizabeth This joyful story
chronicles a homebirth after a cesarean section.
Dad catches!
Kael's Birth Kael was born with a midwife
attending in his home in South Africa. To read
Melissa and Leonard's pregnancy journals and birth
stories, go here.
- Kael''s
Birth, by Melissa Melissa tells
her story with great honesty and detail. A must-read
for women giving birth the first time.
- Kael''s
Birth, by Leonard Leonard movingly
tells the story of the birth of his son. A pleasure
to read- Leonard is so charming and funny!
Beautiful,
Gentle, Sacred, Safe- The Birth of Hannah Pressman
A midwife-attended home waterbirth- a beautifully-told
story that will bring tears to your eyes.
Sinéad's
Birth The gentle and peaceful unassisted birth
of a couple's first child.
Love Poems
for Catherine Grace Poems by a mother and
father about their baby girl who died.
Our Journey
to Birth Freedom A father of seven children
adds his powerful thoughts to the end of his wife's
birth stories (3 c-sections, then 4 VBACs- including
2 unassisted).
Fathers' Stories
Kevin and Calvin, from Calvin's
Birth Story. Note that this birth was so
very healing for Kevin, whose first baby died
after being born prematurely.
The
Birth of Clemens Hall Papa Mark tells the
story of his and his wife's journey through late
pregnancy and unassisted homebirth at forty-three
weeks gestation. They'd had problems with their
BC registered midwife (she wanted to intervene
due to "post dates"; they didn't want
intervention- for a similar story, go here)
and with much divine suggestion, they came to
the conclusion that unassisted was the way to
go. This includes many sweet photos.
Birthing
into the Divine Robin talks about his journey
into direct-entry midwifery (including internships
in Russia and Texas), and the homebirths of his
six children (starting in 1955!).
Matt's
Birth Story Matt's wife Kitty's first baby
was born by cesarean. Then Kitty and Matt (both
in the military) met and fell in love; this documents
Matt's journey to marriage and fatherhood, and
includes his account of their lovely VBAC home
waterbirth. This links to Kitty's story, and includes
a photo.
His beautiful birth
"I will never forget the birth of my son,
Ocean. It was in 1973, and he was born into
my hands, in a log cabin I had built. It was
a moment, for me, of true spirit, a moment in
which the intimate met the infinite.
"I do so wish that more men could have
the opportunity I had that night- to be fully
present and involved with the birth of their
children. I believe we'd have happier and more
bonded families, deeper and more fulfilling
father-son and father-daughter relationships,
and fewer dead-beat dads. As well, if more men
got to witness the miracle of birth, I believe
we'd have far more respect for women in our
society.
"Ocean and I have been incredibly close
ever since. One perceptive family friend says
we are 'twin souls'. You couldn't say anything
that would make me feel more complemented."
-John Robbins, from Becoming
a Grandfather. Note that this includes Ocean's
own account of his twins' births.
This Is Not
America Nick gets thrown into a prison
cell for getting angry that is pregnant wife's
breasts were fondled by airport security. What
follows was a stress so great in her that it is
thought her baby went breech because of it; resulting
in a cesarean that broke Nick's heart.
My Children's Births
"My first child was born accidentally
UC (unassisted) on 1/12/70... a little more
than a month before my 18th birthday. I cut
the cord. Our mistake was taking her to the
hospital where she was quarantined for two days
because she had been "exposed" to
out-of-hospital germs.
"The following year I was blessed to observe
2 planned UCs at the semi-communal home that
we shared with three other couples... the third
couple had had their only child UC at home before
I knew them.
"In 1976, I moved to this "hippy
haven" (Floyd County) where everyone was
having home births. My closest neighbors in
either direction were young twenty-something
nursing students who were the ringleaders of
the local "midwives" group.
"My second child (by a second wife) was
born in 1979 in a hospital (quickly and relatively
uneventfully... except for one rude nurse and
the fact that we very nearly didn't make it
there in time... twenty minutes labor in hospital)
because it was my twenty-two year-old wife's
first child, and she wasn't so sure of herself.
Our second child was born at home two counties
away from here, about twenty minutes before
the Floyd County midwives could get there. She
was a big healthy thing.
"I firmly believe that it was my first
daughter's will not to be born in a hospital...
she's just that kind of girl She's still pissed
off at us about the quarantine thing. She gave
birth to my only grandchild, Sylvester, in a
small cabin with no electricity attended by
a lay midwife in 1994... after more than 24
hours of hard working labor. I wasn't there.
I've attended two other births as a guest/childcare
provider over the years. Most of the kids that
I've known very well were born at home."
-Steve
Cochrane, lawyer, birth activist and husband
of a midwife
Babies Feel
Steve Cochrane talks about the consciousness of
babies.
Waiting
for Scout Geoff writes about his family's
first homebirth (he caught the baby!). According
to the hospitals calculations, his partner was
44 weeks pregnant at the time of birth; according
to theirs, she was 42 1/2 weeks. This includes
how Geoff grew patience to "wait it out",
and the needed power to keep the "inducers"
at bay. Includes photos.
Peanut
Geoff Powell descriptively and movingly tells
the story of the miscarriage and D&C of his
first baby at twelve weeks gestation.
Kevin's Story:
The Cello and the Violin Kevin Linn, a military
man, writes about the glorious unassisted waterbirth
of his third child. This page includes a link
to his wife's Rachel's version of the story (with
photos).
Letter from
Ed to Cindy Ed talks about his births in an
attempt to show Cindy, whose husband is homebirth-reluctant,
that even the most stubborn men can change their
minds. Go here
for Cindy's letter.
A Father's
Story David, who is now a midwife in England,
talks about the births of his children with sadness
and honesty.
They were
like trucks!- says Dad A father talks about
his wife's interfered-with birth, and how it made
him feel.
Affidavit
of Tobin Thomas Copley Not exacly a birth
story- but the journey of a father finding just
the right birth attendant. The case he is talking
about is the one of the Collge of Midwives of
BC against Gloria
Lemay.
BIRTH RANT BLUES -a twelve bar blues song
1) Mama tell the doctor
What the doctor won't admit
Then tell him to leave you alone
You heard him try to tell you
That the patient don't know shit
Just tell him to leave you alone
'Cos Mama knows best
And she's gonna have her baby at home.
2) Well the doctor's playin' god
And he's playin' with his potions
But the doctor is the devil for sure
'Cos doc Messes with nature
And he'll play with your emotions
Yeah, the doctor is the devil for sure
'Cos Mama isn't sick
No, Mama doesn't need to be cured.
3) Well the doctor's got his knives
And his needles and his drugs
And a bonus from his friends at Glaxo
Yeah the doctor's got a contract
So if Mama doesn't contract
He'll do things you don't wanna know
So if you want your baby to be well
Well tell the doctor to go.
4) Well my woman is the mama
And doctor if you harm her
I will take my hammer to you
And my woman is my baby
And our baby's doin' fine without
Any interference from you
So doctor get a grip before
Another fuckin' baby turns blue!!!
*J. Hindson 13/08/01. See his woman's birth
stories here-
their first child was born severely damaged by
induction drugs.
By BirthLove Co-Counder Bill
McCracken:
Also see Bob's
Unassisted Homebirth Site for Fathers
by Bob Griesemer.
Articles and Quotes about
Fathers in Birth
By LLM:
- Being
Born Blessed (born in the rain) This includes
the beautiful role a father plays in the unassisted
forest birth of his daughter (me...).
- Fathers
are Beautiful A bit of a love song written
for the men in our lives.
- Dads and Childbirth
Ape man and monkey lady, lost within the semi-sterile
bowles of the medical machine. Also- why birth
matters so much to fathers.
- Imagining
the Father as the Mother Musings about my
husband being the one getting the c-section;
and - "Everyone from Playboy magazine to
your local, friendly OB/GYN profits from women's
outstretched bodies, in vivid living colors:
from pretty pastel pinks to cut, bloody reds.
So much money and power to be gained.... for
everyone except the women."
- For many more articles about fathers in birth,
read Resexualizing
Childbirth.
Fathers
"She came out I flipped over and took
her from Chris, she began to whimper but not
cry, she was pink, perfect, and a miracle....
our third wonderful girl Rosemary May. When
I told dad he had another girl, he began to
cry, 'how am I so lucky... wow... three perfect
girls'was what he said. He told me later that
there is no honour in his life so great as to
be the very first one to see his baby daughter."
-Bernice Raabis
"My husband
won't let me have a homebirth!" This
page includes responses from fathers to this common
and frustrating problem.
Orgasmio
A birth parody where the father is in the birthing
mother's position. By Lynn Baptisti Richards,
and Dr. Harlan Sparer, D.C., reprinted with the
kind permission of Midwifery Today magazine.
For Fathers:
Your Woman's Birth, Your Woman's Choice A
childbirth educator speaks to dads about what
their roles in birth should be- as protectors
and supporters.
About
men getting turned on by violent births
Comment: "My birth was really
terrible- I was strapped down, had a huge
episiotomy and a rough forceps delivery- but
my husband was still really turned on by the
whole birth thing. After I came home from
the hospital, the only way I could satisfy
him was by my hand, it was very uncomfortable
for me, and I'm still so mad about giving
in to that. I still find myself shut off from
him sexually."
Response: "Birth is sexual. It
is very sexual- that is why when we call certain
types of birth 'rape', it is an accurate description.
"Men intuit that birth is sexual- it is
highly hormonal, physical and spiritual- and
they will get turned on by birth. Now normally
this is a beautiful thing- 'normally' means
babies born at home (I really feel that 'normal'
birth is only possible at home, when there are
no superfluous people). When birth is normal,
beautiful things can happen- like bring a couple
together sexually for years to come.
"But... when that beauty is transmogrified
in the abusive hospital scene into rape/torture-
like in your birth- the guy still senses the
beauty, but is confused into thinking that the
rape somehow led to the beauty... so now not
only is he fantasy-bonded to the hospital birth,
he is sexually confused as well. Moms sense
this, and shut off sexually... how can their
pain be equated with'turned on' for their men?
"It is only logical that women will kind
of hate men for that, for being so clueless
and dick-driven. But until men actually see
the true beauty of NORMAL birth- we really can't
expect anything more from them.
"But women need to demand and give the
births they know they need to before expecting
men to understand what they go through. When
we're the ones hopping up on the LDR tables-
how can we expect our men to know any better?"
-LLM
Do Dads act any differently at homebirths?
Question: "Do fathers act 'different'
in homebirths than in hospital births?"
Answer: "Yup. Men are territorial
and they do better on their own turf than they
do in another male's territory. Just look at
the importance of "home games" in
sports.
"Men also think better when they are in
motion. Their brains are designed that way.
In a hospital, they are restricted in their
movement, worried, and in unfamiliar territory.
This combination disempowers them."
For more, go to More
Questions and Answers with Gloria Lemay.
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