Women's Wisdom: Conception, Birth and Mothering
Compiled by LLM
Photos supplied by Patti
Ramos Photography. All rights reserved.
On this page:
For more women's stories of mothering, go
here. For breastfeeding stories, go
here. For women's poems, go
here.
All of our experiences matter, all of our stories
are crucial. And every one of us should have as
public a platform as we need to make our voices
heard. Please submit your own stories and experiences,
of all kinds, to BirthLove's
Forums. Use whatever forum feels best for
you.
Getting Pregnant
Note from site editor Leilah about babies:
A friend of mine who tried for years to conceive,
but never did, broke down and adopted a child.
Once the stress was off to conceive, guess what
happened?- she conceived (twice!). This happened
with my aunt as well. Stress can be a huge deterrent
from making babies- it is a cruel irony that the
more we want to get pregnant, the more stressed
we can become- and stress is one of the big things
that prevents us from getting pregnant.
Also see:
Male
Subfertility -by andrologist (a "gynecologist"
for men Anthony Hirsh. Women tend to blame themselves
for fertility difficulties, but problems with
male fertility account for about half of conception
problems. This page discusses many of the fertility
challenges that men face.
Wine Drinking for Fertility?
"I just had to tell you that I don't drink
much of anything usually, but if I do it is
a glass of wine now and again. After my husband's
vasectomy reversal we tried to get pregnant
for a full year. I had just about given up (they
tell you if it doesn't happen within a year
it has likely scarred over and won't happen).
We went out on March 14 for our 11th wedding
anniversary to a very fancy gourmet restaurant
with a special small group 12 course meal in
the chef's kitchen. Each course had a wine course
with it. I got absolutely blotto completely
by accident and it turns out this was ovulation
day as well. And we got our miracle baby that
night! I may have to drink wine more!"
-anonymous BirthLove member
Women who drink
wine get pregnant more quickly A study of
almost 30 000 women shows that women who drink
wine get pregnant more quickly than those who
drink beer or spirits. "Wine drinkers experienced
significantly shorter waiting times [to pregnancy]
compared with those who reported no wine intake,"
says a report of the study in Human Reproduction.
My Journeys
to Babies Kiley Myers shares how both she
and her husband are supposed to be infertile,
but have managed to have three healthy children
anyway (to her fertility specialists' great delight!).
Included: her experiences with the fertility drug
Clomid, and a bit about her sad miscarriages.
My PCOS
Story Janis talks about how she managed to
conceive two babies completely naturally,
despite the challenges of polycystic ovary syndrome.
Sensing the babies who want to be born
"If anyone is trying to conceive- put
away the fertility planners and get in touch
with spirit. Babies will whisper when they're
ready to come in... a clear mind is the way
to sense their little voices. Having heard them
many times, I can say this- and mean it."
-LLM
"Leilah, I couldn't agree with you more.
Charting, taking temps, visualizing the sperm
meeting the egg, raising the buttock onto a
pillow- all those mechanical things can be put
to rest when it comes to becoming pregnant.
Women have had the anatomical approach foisted
upon them until they're blue in the face. We
need to take a spiritual approach. In HypnoBirthing,
we have the mom create a session where she sends
her love out to the Universe and invites a soul
to accept that loving invitation. Some of our
couples even recreate this image in their back
yards under the stars. I have never known it
not to work." -Mickey Mongan,
Hypnobirthing Institute
Strange Signals
from Breastfeeding Women who smell other women's
breastmilk are more amorous, and also more likely
to conceive.
A Ritual of Creation
This page describes the ceremony involved in the
conception of couple's first child.
How to Conceive a Baby
From the Compleat
Mother Magazine, page 20 (Winter, 2001):
"I am nursing a 2 1/2 year-old
and would like to have another baby. I wasn't
able to get pregnant with this one until my
older son was weaned and while I don't mind
the five year age gap, time is getting short
and I'd rather not have another five year gap.
Do you know of anything besides delicious red
raspberry tea to help?" -TK
Reply by editor Catherine Young:
"Cool it. Remember all those tearful confessions
at high school, where cold October nights in
the back seat of a Ford resulted in unwanted
pregnancies? What won't happen under a warm
duvet in a well-insulated side spilt just might
if you make love outside on a snow pile at midnight.
Sperm is fragile stuff, and needs to avoid Pepsi,
Coke, alcohol, tobacco, hot tubs and hot baths.
The would-be pregnant couple will develop maternal
hormones by baby gazing at any available baby.
Be a foster parent. Eat organic sunflower seeds.
Good luck."
[Note from LLM, site editor:
This is excellent advice- especially about the
excitement aspect of conception, and how being
overwhelmed by the sweetness of children will
lead to increased fertility. Although... my husband
loves his cokes and smokes and has impregnated
me ten times in thirteen years.]
Catherine Young passed away on 9/11/01. Boycott
Nestlé in her memory! Go here
for more.
Note that several women have reported getting
pregnant after reading Resexualizing Childbirth.
Read about the book online here.
Birthing Power and Women's
Wisdom
Also see BirthLove's forums:
In this section:
Being a Woman
Also see: Poems
about Birth, Mothering and Being a Woman
By site editor LLM:
- A Christmas
Gift from BirthLove Christmas is about humility
and gentleness; we honor our beloved God, however
we choose to perceive "God", or even
"Christ", by hororing the earth and
life around us.
- Freedom
is Lovely (my vulva is too) (9/8/03) Pride
manifested in word form for both "homeschooling"
and my grandly multuparous vulva. Included:
my high school history, and ideas for a happy
vuvla. Many links are included.
- Loving
Oneself, Approaching the Divine When women
love themselves fully and completely, the single
most powerful force of creativity on the planet
will be released. In this column are listed
some of the ways I have learned to love myself
over the years.
- Woman,
You are Beautiful Love, acceptance and great
beauty is within all of us. This is a love song
for mothers.
- The Power
of Standing Alone When a woman stops asking
"am I?"- and starts understanding-
"I AM" fantastic things start to happen.
- What
Being A Woman Means To Me Don't call me
a lady...
- I am a Conscientious
Objector to Christmas This is an objection
to the materialization of Christmas, and a literary
account of the beauty of what Christ's birth
was: he was born in humility, gentleness, and
great love. (His birth story, as it were.)
- Also see: BirthLove Columns about Women's
Innate Beauty and Magnificence, and Growing
Personal Power- click
here
The
Return to Fertility Heather's fertility is
returning- so is her passion for creating and
loving a brand-new baby. Many women will
relate to this sweet story.
Ode
to Aunt Fanny "Aunt Fanny" arrived
today. Aunt Fanny... such a strangely sweet euphemism:
reminiscent of a softly perfumed, grey-haired
auntie who makes you tea with honey and feeds
you home-made cookies. Having her visit is much
nicer than having "the curse", being
"on the rag", "riding the cotton
pony" (though I appreciate the witty phrase,
'I'm having the painters in'.)" Reminiscences
and pride of the menstrual experience by writer
Dina Ryan Davidson.
Reclaiming
My Health, Resurrecting My Power Emily was
hurt as a child a nd young woman by the medical
establishment; as an adult woman she emerges clean
and free- and is in the process of healing herself
from within from all damage done.
Tribute
to Michael Whitaker Amy, as if directed by
God, witnessed a man die; now, she tries to figure
out what her place in the death is and was. The
experience has humbled her as a woman, and broadened
her deepest love as a mother. This page includes
a photo of Amy and her two eldest children.
Comments
and Stories from Nurses Included are nurses'
comments about working in hospitals, their feelings
about what's right and wrong with the medical
system, and their own birth stories.
The
Gift of Awareness Valarie Nordstrom writes
about seizing the day, every day- and savoring
all the "little" things in life that
mean so much. For more articles by Valarie, so
go the Parenting
articles page.
Musings
on Birth, Death and Hands… Lisa Wilson
shares an astounding piece of work about what
birth has taught her as a woman, a mother, and
a believer in beauty and freedom.
Jill's Page Quotes,
articles, birth stories and more from this raging,
right-on mom.
Being a Mother
Also see BirthLove's Parenting
articles, and click
here for BirthLove Columns about Families,
Babies and Individuals.
October
24, 2003: Audree Paris Jeanette Bingaman Jessica
shares her sadness over her mother-in-law's death,
and how her baby daughter's life is inextricably
tied with her grandmother's. Includes writing
from Jessica's pregnancy with beautiful birth
dreams.
For
My Daughter on Her Thirteenth Birthday -by
site editor LLM. Big, big tears as
my baby grows into a woman.
A
Mother's Joys Kathy shares some of the special
and beautiful things in her life that reflecting
on can bring great joy- or peace. Site editor
Leilah's favorite- "Baby, wrestling and teasing,
laughing as he climbs on my face, pulls hair,
and gives big, sloppy, sweet kisses!"
Birth
Memories Jessica talks about her four month
old baby Audree, and the precious memories she
has of Audree's birth- she also wonders how she
can integrate the joy and excitement of birth
into daily life. This links to Jesscia's other
writings on BirthLove.
Seatbelts:
Saving the Lives of Those We Love Lauren tells
the story of how the lives of her son and his
two companions were spared just because they were
wearing seatbelts.
The
Gift of Awareness Valarie Nordstrom writes
about seizing the day, every day- and savoring
all the "little" things in life that
mean so much. For more articles by Valarie, so
go the Parenting
articles page.
Letters
to my Daughter on her Birthday Ril writes
yearly letters to her sweet little daughter, and
shares them here, with photos. So beautiful!
My Adoption
Story A beautiful story of a young woman's
journey into adopting a little Korean boy. This
includes poems. (Note that it is quite impossible
to read this page without crying.)
It's a Long
Way that I Have Come Here Amanda talks about
her journey from "a mainstream working mother
to an attached stay-at-home mom, passionate about
women reclaiming the birth experience for themselves
and their babies."
It's Been
a Year...... A mother of seven discusses how
she feels about her seventh child's unassisted
birth, one year after the fact. This links to
her birth stories, and includes photos.
Pregnancy and Giving Birth
Relevant quotes:
- Quotes
about Birth Power and Wisdom What humans
can learn from other mammals about birth, choice
in birth, welcoming baby into life, getting
what you want in your birth, and more.
- Quotes
about the Idiocy of Medicalized Birth Including:
drugs in birth, women's enforced birth ignorance,
why some OBs become OBs, why hospital birth
doesn't work, and more.
- What
Birth Really Means Quotes from mothers who
understand how simple, magnificent, joyful and
sensual giving birth can be.
Stella's
NOT a Pushover!!! Stella decided to have an
ultrasound at 20 weeks pregnant, and needed to
go to an OB to get one. She demonstrated her confidence
and power by refusing all other tests she was
told she HAD to have- and left the entire office
with their mouths hanging open. Way to go Stella!!!
Medicalizing Birth
is like putting Beauty Itself in a Cage LLM, BirthLove editor, writes to the British
Medical Journal about the true damage of medicalizing
birth.
Ancient
Egyptian Birth Brick Found A bit about the
Egyptian way of birth; including a photo of a
prayerful Egyptian birthing brick.
How
Can You Feel Better After A Traumatic
Birth? Mothers talk about what feels
good for them.
75 Pregnancy
and Birth Myths Exposed! The women of
ICAN list list many of the beliefs they once held
true to heart, but have since abandoned. Including
Myth #2: "Pregnancy and Birth are medical
procedures", and Myth #56: "The OB/midwife
is always right and is only looking out for my
best interests."
Learning
to Trust in Birth How I (site editor Leilah)
went from being a "good patient" to
a homebirth mom. Includes some info about my births,
and a brief history of my writing (and the BirthLove
site).
A
Doula's Lament (and invitation to rage) Robin
is desperately weary of all the needless pain
she sees as a hospital doula, and her own enabling
of the pain, merely by her gentle presence. Robin's
deepest wish is gentle, holy birth for all women-
and she challenges them to question authority,
and demand better births for themselves.
The Brutal
Truth by Amanda Counter. How hospital birth
can be the most bitter of rapes.
Sheila's
Homebirth Page An author and mother of six
shares some of her experiences with homebirth,
including the downside to it. Updated 1/31/03
The Things
I Didn't Say A homebirth mom's friend had
a c-section for "CPD". Here's what she
didn't tell her friend, and the sorrow she still
feels for her.
A love that runs in the family
"I am 'obsessed' with childbirth and all
that goes with it, from beginning to well it
never ends I suppose. I am currently a student
midwife that has taken hiatus due to severe
back injury that may prevent me from actually
attaining qualifications, so am looking into
other areas such as Doula CBE etc. But I readily
talk about the process of pregnancy and childbirth
quite openly around the house, children within
earshot - obviously as will be seen.
"I have three older children David - 13
years, Haydie - 11 years and Alysha - 10 years.
I recently in May, on the 23rd gave birth to
my beautiful son Tyler. All the older children
were present at the birth and they each wrote
a page about the day their baby brother was
born. It did not occur to me the influence I
had on my children until the day Haydie was
awoken from a dream (we were waking her to get
ready for the trip home from a visit with Nana).
Rob - Nana's partner was asked to wake Haydie
up at 7.30am to prepare for the return trip,
on this errand, Haydie awoke and stated 'Hey,
I was in labour you know'.
"Rob recounted this comment to us inside
and I was tickled pink that my darling 11 year-old
was dreaming about giving birth to my grandchild.
When she entered the lounge, where I was waiting,
I proceeded to ask Haydie, whether she had had
a boy or a girl, her response 'I don't know
Mum, the head was crowning when Rob woke me'.........
with that everyone started laughing, how many
11 year olds would even know what 'head crowning'
meant.
"I said to her never mind, maybe the next
dream will reveal the answer to my question.
My next question to her was as I said to her,
a very important one, 'Haydie, the main thing
is was I there or not?' and of course my darling
daughter said 'YES'... I can only hope that
this openess continues through time and this
dream of hers does in fact come true.
"Even my David, my 13 year old son has
asked, would I be able to be with him for the
birth of his baby when the time comes............I
can only dream and wait......" -by Rita.
Also by Rita: My
First Birth as a Doula
Christmas Thoughts
"I loved being pregnant at Christmastime.
My first child was expected in May, and when
the holidays came, there I was for the first
time, newly with child, and I could understand
Mary like never before. I knew how it felt to
sense the wonder of life within me. I imagined
how she must have felt when she had to explain
to her relatives how she came to be this way.
What might their reaction have been? I savored
the miracle of it all in my own life, and thought
how much more miraculous it would be for her,
expecting the Christ. I appreciated Mary’s
position so much better than I ever had.
"My second child was due in January, and
when the holidays came that year, I was very
great with child. Enormous with child! And weary
with child. I wanted to be done, to give birth
and have this child in my arms. I was tired
of the lumbering hugeness, and I was just plain
tired. I thought of Mary, tired and huge, straddling
that donkey for the long trip to Bethlehem.
I would have had a few words for the government
leader that had put me in that uncomfortable
position! I sympathized with her weariness,
and wondered how she had responded to it. I
wonder if she got moody, had bad days, ever
complained or groused at her husband. What kind
of challenges did Joseph have at that time?
I don’t know. She was a godly woman, so
maybe she did better than I would have, but
she was human, so... ? I don’t know. But
being great with child gave me a new compassion
toward her.
"I love having a baby at Christmastime.
In the wee hours of the night I would snuggle
my child on my lap, nursing him in my living
room chair, while the colored lights of the
Christmas tree cast a soft glow on his tiny
face. All was calm, and all was bright. He would
gaze up at me with shining eyes, and the precious
intimacy of those moments is a gift locked in
my heart for a lifetime. Mary must have known
such joy, such precious moments when she took
her Babe to her own breast and, as I did, felt
such intense love welling up in her heart that
it overflowed in tears of joy. She knew what
a great gift she had been given, and her heart
was filled with joy as she thanked her heavenly
Father. She was uniquely privileged to be the
mother of Jesus. I am privileged to be the mother
of my own children. I thank God that I am, like
Mary, a woman." ~Kathy
McRae © 12/6/02
"This placenta belonged to a mama who
was due on February 14th. It truly was this shape!!!"
-photographer Patti Ramos
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